English is Weird

In the past, I’ve written about my struggles with learning Polish…and then Mandarin…and now Spanish, but this month, I thought I’d honor my students’ struggle instead. Just in case you’re not a linguistics freak (or language teacher) like me, I’d like to share just a few of the many reasons English can seem extremely weird (read: difficult) from a non-native speaker’s perspective. So, without further ado, here are a few of my favorite things (and definitely my students’ least favorite things) about my native tongue.  

Crazy Spelling System

First up, unsurprisingly, is English spelling. Even if English is your first language you probably still have a bone or two to pick with whatever drunk group of academics decided “ph” looked way cooler than “f” or even with those thoughtful teachers who recited “I before E except after C, and when sounding like A as in ‘neighbor’ and ‘weigh’” …nice little rhyme, but what about “weird”, “glacier”, “albeit”, and “seize”? Of course, there are about a thousand reasons both historical and linguistic to account for this mess, but students (and most speakers) just don’t care. They’re too busy trying to work out why we still have a “b” in words like “thumb” and “debt” or why “knight” isn’t spelled “nite”. One of my favorite linguistic observations demonstrating the absurdity of English spelling is the made-up word “ghoti”. If you take the “gh” from “rough” add the “o” from “women” and finally the “ti” from “nation”, “ghoti” should be pronounced as “fish”. WTF, English.

Gender and Case in Pronouns

One of my biggest complaints with Polish was the abundance of grammatical gender and case. It blew my mind that there might be a possible 21 versions of the same word, something you don’t have to worry about so much with English. That is until you get to the pronouns. “I, me, my, mine, myself”, “you, your, yours, yourself”, “he, him, his, himself”, “she, her, hers, herself” and that’s not even mentioning retired classics like “ye” and “thou” or more modern-day usages like the singular “they/their”. It’s really a mess of various elements of gender and number with a glimpse into a defunct case system and, of course, a plethora of exceptions to any sort of pattern. And when we throw in the contractions we use (such as “he’s” and “you’re”, which can sound an awful lot like “his” and “your”), I can understand why students get a little frustrated with the inconsistency.

Easy-peasy…

All the Vowels

However, even if we put spelling and word forms aside, English is still extremely bizarre when it comes to pronunciation. Bizarre and incredibly difficult. One of the hardest things about English pronunciation is the mastering of all the vowel sounds. We all know that English has 5-6 vowels: A E I O U (and sometimes Y), but interestingly, we have between 15-20 different vowel sounds, depending on dialect. That’s why we have all the strange combinations like “ee”, “ou”, “ea”, “oi”, etc. and a bit of a crazy pronunciation game with minimal pair lists like “beet, bit, bet, but, bat, bot, boot, and boat” (go ahead and read those out loud if you didn’t already – it’s so fun!). It’s no wonder my students are worried that with a slight change in the position of their mouths they might be asking to take an extra shit rather than an extra sheet or maybe heading to the bitch instead of the beach.  >_<  

I ❤ IPA

Phrasal Verbs

Another odd feature of English is our love of function words, particularly prepositions. I remember happily memorizing a song of about 50 of them in elementary school, but as a teacher, I cringe when students ask me how they can memorize not only the prepositions of English, but the phrasal verbs. Phrasal verbs are the multi-word verbs that native English speakers love to (over)use: “go on”, “give up”, “find out”, “calm down”, etc. Of course, we could use “continue”, “quit”, “discover”, and “relax” instead (much to the delight of other Indo-European language speakers), but that would be way too easy! Imagine if you broke up with your significant other after breaking into their house because your car broke down all while your skin was breaking out. Phrasal verbs like “break up”, “break into”, “break down”, and “break out” are so arbitrary and annoyingly similar that many learners of English often know every word in a sentence yet still struggle to piece together the meaning – it’s almost like we’re talking in code.

All the Englishes

Finally, a bit like Spanish, there are so many varieties of English to choose from, and if you’re going for proper World English mastery, you’ll have to be aware of the many dialectal differences in grammatical features, vocabulary, and pronunciation. For example, if chatting with a Brit, you might want to avoid referring to your “pants”. When speaking to those from the US, you’d better call it “soccer” and not “football” or you’ll definitely have them confused. Canadians use the “washroom”, Australians eat “brekkie”, and even the vast majority of native speakers need subtitles to understand Scots, so good luck with that! There’s an incredible amount of regional and socioeconomic dialects in English, and it’s only getting more diverse with the vast number of international varieties and accents being added to our ever-globalizing society.

Ultimately, English (like every language on the planet) is chock-full of oddities which make learning and speaking it quite the challenge. Of course, as this has kept me employed for the last decade, I wouldn’t want it any other way! Haha! Just remember, while English can be tough, it can definitely be mastered through thorough thought, though. Cheers!  

Very Superstitious…

Non-scary black cat for me!

It’s October, a strange time of the year where spooky and supernatural things are dressed up in costumes and set out on suburban lawns. Truth be told, Halloween really isn’t my thing. I don’t like scary movies or unexpected visitors, and as I have chocolate in the house year-round, even the candy aspect is a bit of a miss. What I do like, however, is a nice dose of cultural quirks. Therefore, in lieu of ghosts and goblins, this month, I’m sharing my favorite international superstitions, all of which I’ve either heard from my students and/or have experienced myself abroad. Nothing creepy or crawly here, I promise!

The first superstition I thought of is a simple one that I experienced often when I was in China. Much like how we view the number seven as lucky and the number 13 as unlucky, the Chinese, too, have their superstitions regarding certain numbers. One of the strongest of these is about the number four. The number four is generally avoided in China. Elevators will often skip that floor number altogether, and any room numbers or phone numbers that happen to have too many inauspicious fours in them are often shunned as well. So, what makes the number four so unlucky in China? It’s actually the pronunciation of the word. In Mandarin the number four is pronounced [sì], which is unfortunately similar to the word [sǐ] or “death”.

EEK!

Speaking of death (it is Halloween after all…) in South Korea, a common superstition is that sleeping in a closed room with a running fan might actually kill you. This is such a common superstition that “fan death” has its own Wikipedia page. Although the alleged cause of death for these unexplained casualties has never been proven (or even agreed upon), warnings are still commonplace throughout the country. Bet you’ll never look at that unassuming appliance in the corner of your room the same way again!

Another death-related superstition I recently heard comes from Kenya, where owls are actually seen not as wise, candy-crunching mentors, but instead as harbingers of death. Seeing an owl in Kenya is believed to be a bad omen because it means that death will strike soon. Could be you, could be a family member, but you can be sure it’ll be close and quick. Even the local words used for “owl” are often avoided as they might bring about the birds themselves (and subsequently an untimely death). Perhaps Hedwig was the true cause of Harry’s continued misfortunes…

To be fair, they do look pretty menacing…

Bad luck is understandably a pretty common thing to be superstitious about, but my favorite superstitions involving bad luck are the ones that can be traced back to an event or custom in a culture’s history. One example of this would be the fact that it is considered unlucky in France to eat a baguette or loaf of bread that has been kept upside down. This belief is said to come from an old practice of leaving upside-down bread loaves out for the town executioner to pick up. No one would want to anger an executioner by accidently eating his bread, right?  

Safe to count now

Two other superstitions that come to mind when I think about bad luck come from Poland and Mexico. In Poland, we were told not to count any perogies that are being cooked. It’s simply bad luck to do so, and it may result in a ruined dinner. In Mexico, to escape a bit of bad luck, you should avoid sweeping at night because that, too, can bring a curse down on your house. Additionally, even when daytime sweeping in Mexico, you shouldn’t sweep the dirt straight out your front door, otherwise all your good luck will leave with it too. I knew I should have swept it under the rug instead!

If bad luck to you means losing money, then you shouldn’t put your purse or wallet on the floor. In Brazil (and many other countries) this action or even the accidental dropping of your purse/wallet could mean that you’re about to lose a lot of money or else have some other, serious financial difficulties.

In addition to good and bad luck, many other superstitions seem to be concerned with friends and enemies. For example, in Mongolia if you happen to touch someone’s foot or step on their shoe, you should immediately shake hands as a sign of good faith and friendship. If you do not, it means that conflict is on the horizon and that your relationship might be strained in the future. This superstition is so prevalent that even strangers who accidently bump feet will turn and shake hands to combat the negative consequences.

Hard to image much foot contact in these vast spaces!

In another shoe-related superstition, in Egypt, it is considered disrespectful to leave your shoes with their soles facing up. Stemming from ancient Egyptian beliefs, this can be seen as a slight against God, thus a possible omen of bad events (or in a mixing of religious terms, bad karma) heading your way. This superstition also seeps into etiquette because it is also seen as rude to sit with your soles pointing towards another person.

X

In Turkey, it’s sharp objects (or at least passing them to others) that can cause you to lose friends. For example, handing over a pair of scissors might been seen as the cause of a severed relationship in the future. It’s more prudent to set the sharp things on a nearby table than to hand them over directly.

On the other hand, if you find that you want to get rid of an unwelcomed friend, or a visitor that has over-stayed their welcome, in the Philippines, there is a superstition that says sprinkling salt around your house will cause a visitor to leave. I wonder if you throw salt over your shoulder at the same time will the results be magnified or canceled out?

So close to danger, and I didn’t even know!

Other common superstations revolve around mystical creatures and the magic they bring. In Peru, dragonflies are believed to be connected with sorcery and can bring evil to those whom they touch. Luckily, also in Peru, ladybugs are counters to the devious dragonflies, and they can indicate that good luck is on the way.

Some creatures, however, can be related to both good and bad superstitions, as with the Icelandic elves. These “hidden people” are woven into many beliefs and even holiday celebrations in Iceland. For example, there are stories about construction projects being halted because the plans didn’t take into account the feelings and habits of the local elves. They really must be consulted if you want things to run smoothly. I’ve also heard they throw some pretty awesome Christmas parties.

And there you have it! A well-rounded 13 international superstitions to keep you up at night wondering how many times you brought the bad luck on yourself with your unsuspecting actions. Perhaps this explains all the bad juju in 2020? Something to think about! Happy Halloween! 😉