This month I turned 30, which of course has me reflecting. Reflecting on the now three decades of life I’ve lived, and perhaps more importantly, on the three decades of lessons I’ve learned. I truly feel I learn something each and every day, and sometimes these lessons are what I consider to be “life lessons”, nuggets of advice that I try to take with me and live by, not just in the moments that test me, but throughout all the moments I’ve been given.
Of course, this can be tricky to do – there’s a lot to process in our daily lives, and it can be hard to focus on keeping the things we’ve learned front and center. For this reason, for my 30th birthday, I’ve listed out 30 things (in no particular order) that I personally try to remember and further infuse into each of my currently 15 million+ minutes of life.
You can always learn something. At any time, from any person, in any situation, there is always a way to learn and grow.
Ask questions. One of the best ways I know to learn and grow is by asking questions. I used to be embarrassed to be the person who always had a question or two, but now I realize how valuable questions can truly be for our own understanding and for others’.
Try everything. Now I just think of the Zootopia song, but honestly, it’s great advice: try anything and everything. Always be open to new things because you never know what you might discover.
Experience and wisdom are not necessarily age-based. We have a tendency to believe that our added years bring us wisdom, and while for many of us it feels that way as we continue to progress through our lives, I don’t think age and experience/wisdom are mutually inclusive. It’s important to remember that each person brings their own unique experience and wisdom to the table, and that respect should have no age limit.
There will always be someone _________ (insert comparative adjective here) than you. It’s no use chasing labels like “the best _______” or “the most _________” because somewhere out there someone will burst that bubble. We really shouldn’t compare ourselves because we’re just not the same.
Live your own life. Speaking of not comparing, our lives and choices should also go on without any rivals. We commonly talk about the detriment social media has on this regard, but keeping up with the Jones’ isn’t a new concept, and it has never been healthy.
Work to live don’t live to work. Somewhat morbidly, I like to read what people say about their lives when they’re close to the end, and one of the most common threads is that “work took up too much time, focus, and energy”. We need to work, but our work days aren’t what we’ll look back on in the end.
Find things that make you happy and do them often. So when you’re not working, find and do things that you like. Enjoy your hobby, spend time with people you love, take trips, do all the things!
Keep moving forward; always have a goal. Possibly the opposite problem of living just to work, is living without a purpose or goal. It’s never easy to decide in which direction to go, but having any direction at all can often spur the most incredible, unexpected opportunities.
We are our own captains driving this ship. I heard this in a yoga class once, and while it was true in the moment (on a physical/exercise-based level), it’s also true in the grand scheme of life. We get to choose so many things for ourselves day in and day out. Make those decisions count.
Home is what you make it. Another very personal lesson for me after years of having a not-so-traditional “home”. I’m not exactly sure I’ll ever settle on “where” my home is, but I’ve found that the place itself is not important at all. Who you’re with, what you do with your time and space, this is what makes a place feel like home.
Stay positive. Especially right now, it can seem impossible to see the glass as half-full, but there’s always a silver lining and “happiness can be found even in the darkest of places” if you keep looking. Staying positive not only helps us get through tough times, but it allows us to move forward with hope for a better future.
Complaining doesn’t change anything. Shockingly, complaining won’t help solve any problems, and, in fact, it might actually make you feel worse. Ignore the impulse and skip ahead to the possible solutions or mindset changes that are needed instead.
Think first, act second. The human existence version of “measure twice, cut once”. Our actions can have drastic consequences, so we better be sure to act only after conscious consideration.
Some things don’t need to be said. Together with thinking before acting, we should definitely also think before speaking. I’ve had to edit a lot of papers in my day, so I’ve learned the art of reticence. I really love the proverb: “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”
Focus on doing good/being good. We love wholesome memes and feel-good stories, so we should work on being a part of them ourselves. How can we actively do more good? Imagine how much more good there would be in the world if we all worked on this!
Believe in something. Whether it’s your faith, your passion, or even yourself, having something (or some things) to believe in can really help narrow down your goals, choices, behaviors, etc.
People are more alike than different. Another truth that makes itself known to me every day is that we are all more alike than different. It’s fun to share and learn from our little differences, like customs, slang, preferences, etc. But ultimately, we’re all human, and we’re so much better off together.
Empathy defines us as human. As with most virtues, we can choose which ones to cultivate and bring into greater focus, and for me, empathy is one I would very much like to continue striving for. In our individualistic society, it’s so easy to say “everyone for themselves”, but that is the very last thing I want for our collective future.
Try to build a longer table not a taller fence. Another great quote that I try to live by. Our connection and cooperation bring us together and strengthen our bonds like nothing else. We’re truly all in this together.
Awareness and open-mindedness are necessary for growth. We simply cannot hope to improve or progress without awareness and open-minded thinking. It can at times feel uncomfortable or strange, but the end results can be truly life-changing.
Embrace and then learn from your mistakes. Easy to say, tough to do, but so useful if it can be managed. We often tell our kids “mistakes are how you learn”, so let’s take our own advice for once!
Don’t dwell on hindsight. Another task that seems easy until you actually try it. Everything looks so different in hindsight, but we can’t get caught up in the “shoulda, coulda, woulda”. It’s impossible to go back and do it again, so do the best you can in the moment and then pull an Elsa and let it go.
Patience is a virtue (and at times an absolute lifesaver). The more we can work on this particular skill, the happier we’ll all be. Trust me patience is precious.
Be thankful and reflect on how/why. We all know we should be grateful for what we’ve been given in this life. It could always be worse, after all. Gratitude can really give us that big picture perspective and prompt so many other positive thoughts and actions in our lives.
Perception is everything. We each see the world a little differently, and it’s important to always keep that in mind. The media isn’t the only one with bias; we each have our biases and filters, and we should be aware and thoughtful of our own and others’ perspectives.
Change is inevitable; flexibility is gift. Most people don’t like change (and while I typically thrive in it) sometimes I find myself rejecting change as much as the next person. Unfortunately as much as we might not want things to change, they undoubtedly will. Best adapt a strategy sooner rather than later!
Not always having the answer is freeing. I have a motto: embrace ambiguity. It’s healthy to not have all the answers, and even healthier to recognize that we don’t.
Drink more water. Just do it; you won’t regret it.
Don’t be afraid to share. Contribute, participate, commiserate, teach, post, whatever! We all have something valuable to add to this world, so let’s do that.
I’m happy to be able to share my lessons with whoever is interested enough to read this, and I’d love to hear some of your most important life lessons. What did you learn in your first thirty years or even in the last thirty days? What do you try to work into your everyday thoughts and actions? We’ve got lots of time to reflect, and with all the people out there, the amount of lessons we can learn from each other is limitless!
Dani Francuz Rose 